I might not a good daughter that most parents have always expected. I might not a daughter who can provide what you need or everything you desire for years. I might not a daughter who able to send you money every month because I need it too to struggle here, in Jakarta. Some friends of mine are still ask their parents for money, even though they already have a job, but that is not my business and I do not want to be like them, Ma, Pa.. I don’t want to make your life more difficult by asking to send me money like when I was in college. You might have suffered enough to fund my tuition, while I’m not your only one children, you have the other two necessities to fulfill. Everytime I’m telling you about this, you said that I need to get the opinion out of my mind immediately. And you keep reminding me that I don’t need to be a perfect person because the perfection is only belong to God. Believe me Ma, Pa, I’m trying my best. I promise.
From the past few months, my mind and heart feel a little bit of confusion, worries, restless, you name it. I am thinking about my parents, like a lot, like every single day–when I woke up in the morning, while I’m watching a movie, while I’m eating, before sleep at night or even now when I’m writing this post. When I got distracted with things that interest me, a minute later their faces will appear again in my mind.
Since I graduated from high school, I no longer spend my life with my folks and my brothers like I used to. I started living apart from them. For instance, they were in Jakarta and I was in Makassar because I had to attend lectures for the sake to get a degree. It was hard at first, but I get used to it, because thank God, I was surrounded by people who were nice to me and it made me less homesick. We met like once in a year, especially on Lebaran days, they came to visit me or vice verca. Then one day, I realized one thing, it’s the only me, their children who is no longer spend much time with them. People might judge me as a whiny, fractious kind of person, but I don’t mind. I’m glad that my parents have succeeded to make me become more and more caring and loving to them with all of my life. I become more appreciative for every quality time that my family and I have spent together, either in person or through video/voice calls. I become more concern about their health. I become more guilty everytime I didn’t call them in a day asking about how they are doing. How I long for them so much!
Thanks for being my parents, you guys are my forever support system. Love you Ma, Pa, big time! ❤