Farewell, Chester Bennington

Checking news portal everytime I woke up in the morning become one of my routine before starting the day and I do it for every single day. It was on last Friday, I checked the Twitter timeline to update what’s going on. The Linkin Park’s frontman, Chester Bennington, was becoming number one world hastag that day. Then I opened all of the news that linked to his name. I was shocked. Mr. Bennington has passed away. He was tragically found dead by hanged himself from a bedroom door at his own home. I’m devastated. 😥

According to the news, Mr. Bennington revealed his complex battle with depression in his final interview before he committed suicide. They informed that when he was a kid, he had been molested by an older male friend, being sexually abused as a seven years old, then his parents divorced when he was eleven, he also had history of drugs and alcohol abuse. Such a desolate childhood. I coulnd’t imagine how  he had survived during that situation.

I am a big fan of the band since I was in junior high school. I grew up with their songs. I love their musics and lyrics they created, and its genuinely awesome. They’re such a genius band that you can barely find in recent showbiz world.

I have been mourning that day and my heart broke into million pieces. I may not know him personally, but he lives in my heart and mind since then. Now I realized that all of the songs they’ve created are about depression that might happened to his/their life. I love you, Chester. We all do! You helped us to go through the hardest part of our life when we couldn’t brave enough to speak up as a teenager. You such an inspiration person.

My heart goes out to his family, friends, and Mike Shinoda/Brad Delson/Joe Hahn/Dave Farrel/Rob Bourdon. May your soul rest in peace, Sir.



#RipChesterBennington #LinkinPark




Contemplation of being late 20s

Everyone must have a long list of purposes to be achieved in their life. I have no idea, but me, I don’t have any particular goals to be achieved in my life. I’m too much enjoying my life as I am now, because I think in the end people will die, sooner or later even you are a successful CEO of a big famous company. Let say your name remain inside the mind of people who loves you, your family, your closest friends, colleagues, and the people who get inspired of your major achievement, for instance, but again in the end people die and all of your achievement will be forgotten unless you are as smart as Albert Einstein or Steve Jobs. Then why we are working so hard to satisfy our necessity, why we have such a big ambition to make everyone happy while in fact it’s impossible to please everybody? Am I just too naive to think about this? Or am I being pessimistic?

This is my story. During my academic life, it was rare to get great scores in class. The last time I remember is when I was in secondary school, I was in top 10 and when I continued my study in university, it never happened. Maybe it’s me who is too lazy to study back then or the quality of my brain I have is just average? Eventhough my parents had paid private teachers for us to study at home, I still couldn’t get into the top 5 in class. End of story.

I have a big curiosity for those people who are seem so easy to reach their life achievments only in one clap. For instance, first, the people who are now continue their study overseas with scholarship. I mean, how?? Why it’s that easy for them to get it? Some people say that you don’t have to be a brilliant person to get a scholarship–at least you match with the requirements as requested. I thought it was non sense, but turns out it happens to some people. Some closest people of mine know that I really want to get my master degrees overseas with scholarship, because I know I couldn’t afford the fee tuition even to get into the local university. After I find out myself about how to get the scholarship, they told me that the only thing you need is how much you really want it or how much you desire for it. A kind-hearted cousin (who is now in France pursuing her PhD) told me that during the process your mood will be up and down, so you have to stay focus.

Second, in recent years, the Indonesian government has increased salary of civil servant which drives people crazy. I mean, maybe they think that they don’t need work very hard to get paid with a big amount of salary, but well, who is not being tempted to get paid 14 times in a year? No wonder, people are compete to register working as civil servant. There is a person I know, a friend, but not as close as some friends I talk to everyday. She is not in my circle but I’ve gotten the information that she is now working for the government through a social media platform that we both are connected to each other. Maybe she didn’t mean to, but I know it was a part of showing off of what she has achieved. I never knew that she has an ambition to work as civil servant before–which is a little surprising for me. I know people change, because life is dynamic and we have to develope ourself to be a better one. But the question that across in my mind is, why it was easy for her to join the government institution without passing some tests while others are working so hard to get the position? You know, the power of ‘orang dalem’ still exist. I’m not jealous, envious or whatever you name it, but it’s just not fair to some people who are working hard to get it. Life is unfair, actually. But, can I call this as an injustice?

Some family of mine are working as civil servant. I don’t get it why working as civil servant is something to be proud of to some parents in Indonesia. I bet some people who are working for the government are having no idea what they are working about or to whom they serve. I believe that in some of government bureaucracy run slowly. I once went to the government institution to make some revise of documents I’ve submitted through online system, but a person who work for that institution didn’t get my point and didn’t know how to serve people properly like she didn’t even try to be friendly with the customers which is make the costumers feel uncomfortable. This is a big deal, the government has to make an improvement to choose the right person to serve the society. I mean, how to make the civil servants working not only based on to get paid every month but based on sincerity and generosity to serve society. Don’t you think that they are not love the job? Because it’s not their passion but the parents, they work only for the sake of prosperity. Isn’t it sound selfish? They get paid properly every month but the society didn’t get satisfied of their services.

The last thing is about marriage. I wonder why a few of my friends were easy to decide a person they want to spend the rest of their life with so fast. Hmm.. It’s like, after you finished study in high school or university, then the next chapter of life is to be married. I no longer see the enthusiasm they had when they were in college. Where is all the passionate spirit I used to feel have gone? What took it? Why they are no longer focusing to develope their careers. Well, I’m not interested in dicussing about their life decision at this time but I’m pretty sure that my Mum is the most worried person about this. I once had a relationship with ex boyfriend, but we ended the relationship we had built for a wasted 6 years in undesirable way, but it was him who was cheating on me.

Now, here I am in late twenties, which is no longer young, an adult with trust issue. I have a small circle of people that I trust, that I enjoy to have a conversation with–the smaller the circle you have, the less drama you will get. Having trust issues is not easy. I  hope they won’t be worried if I’m still single today, because I can take care of myself–as long as I still have the job. I hope they will always be on my side and cheer me up when I’m in my lowest point. I hope they will accept me with my complicated mind. I hope they love me unconditionally. I know that everyone wants to be a better person, but unfortunately we are only human, just let the God decides what is best for us. So, why worry?

Stop Bullying

Akhir-akhir ini di media sosial sedang ramai membahas bullying. Bullying ini sebenarnya kata yang berasal dari bahasa Inggris. Merujuk pada Kamus Bahasa Indonesia ke Inggris, arti kata bully adalah perundungan. Namun, penggunaan kata perundungan sepertinya tidak populer dalam masyarakat Indonesia, khususnya masyarakat awam.

Dalam Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia edisi ke-5, rundung memiliki arti sebagai berikut:


[v], m.run.dung v (1) mengganggu; mengusik terus-menerus; menyusahkan: anak itu ~ ayahnya, meminta dibelikan sepeda baru; (2) menimpa (tt kecelakaan, bencana, kesusahan, dsn): ia tabah atas kemalangan yang telah ~nya.

Perundungan artinya suatu perlakuan yang mengganggu, megusik terus-menerus dan juga menyusahkan. Jadi bully adalah kata serapan atau biasa disebut dengan kata pungutan atau pinjaman yaitu kata-kata yang berasal dari bahasa asing yang telah terintegrasi ke dalam bahasa Indonesia dan telah diterima luas oleh masyarakat umum.

Sepertinya berita soal bullying selalu terus muncul. Pekan lalu ada beberapa berita mengenai bullying yang viral di media sosial. Berita pertama adalah bullying yang dilakukan oleh siswi SMP terhadap siswi kelas VI SD yang berlokasi di Thamrin City. Kejadian tersebut berawal karena adu mulut yang entah akar masalahnya disebabkan oleh apa. Dalam video yang viral, disebutkan dua orang pelaku menganiaya korban hingga jatuh tersungkur ke lantai. Saya menonton videonya terkejut, karena si pelaku menjambak rambut korban dengan cara membabi buta. Apakah dia tidak berpikir jika dia di posisi korban dan merasakan bagaimana sakitnya dijambak sedemikian rupa? Apakah dia tidak berpikir jika pihak sekolah dan orangtua akan tahu mengenai hal ini? Sekarang apa jadinya? Pelaku sudah dikeluarkan dari sekolah. Bukannya meraih prestasi sebanyak mungkin, dia malah membuat orangtuanya malu.

Kemudian berita bullying yang juga viral adalah, segelintir mahasiswa di salah satu universitas di Depok mem-bully temannya yang autis. Saya tidak habis pikir, mengapa masih ada orang yang setega itu mem-bully orang yang berbeda dari dia. Apakah mereka tidak diajarkan bahwa sebagai manusia makhluk hidup ciptaan Tuhan yang paling sempurna wajib memperlakukan manusia secara manusiawi? Jangankan sesama manusia, dalam ajaran agama saja kita diajarkan untuk mengasihi makhluk hidup lainnya. Apakah mereka tidak berpikir bagaimana susahnya, ribetnya, sebesar apa pengorbanan orangtua membesarkan anak-anak berkebutuhan khusus ini? Menyandang status sebagai mahasiswa ternyata tidak cukup mengubah seseorang untuk berperilaku santun.

Hal ini membuat saya bertanya-tanya, kira-kira hal apa sih yang menyebabkan pelaku ini tega memojokkan seseorang yang mereka anggap berbeda dari dia untuk dijadikan bahan candaan? Apakah mereka tidak dinasehati oleh orangtua atau guru-guru mereka untuk berperilaku baik terhadap siapapun? Saya tidak bermaksud untuk menyalahkan orangtua/guru dari pelaku, karena saya yakin bahwa tidak satu pun dari mereka mengajarkan anak/muridnya hal yang tidak baik. Saya rasa pembully belum mengerti tentang autis dan menganggap hal ini adalah suatu hal yang wajar untuk dijadikan bahan candaan.

Kenapa perilaku anak jaman sekarang agak sulit untuk dikontrol? Sewaktu saya masih kecil, saya tidak pernah menemukan kejadian seperti ini, semua aman, tentram dan terkendali. Tidak pernah ada kejadian, contohnya; murid sekolah A beradu mulut/saling mengolok dengan murid sekolah B karena hal yang tidak penting dan berujung perselisihan, justru sebaliknya, hal tersebut dapat memperluas pertemanan. Mungkin pernah saja ada, tapi saya tidak tahu karena mungkin saya adalah tipe anak rumahan atau dulu belum ada gadget dan hanya melihat berita sebatas TV saja.

Semasa kecil, saya dan teman-teman sibuk mengikuti kegiatan positif seperti memainkan permainan tradisional, bergabung dengan klub pecinta kesenian dan olahraga, bersepeda di sore hari, yang pasti melakukan kegiatan outdoor dimana kita bisa bebas berekspresi. Tidak seperti zaman sekarang dengan teknologi yang semakin canggih dan beragam, saya perhatikan banyak orangtua memanjakan anak-anak mereka dengan gadget sehingga membuat mereka asyik dengan dunianya sendiri dan tidak lagi punya waktu untuk bermain di luar.

Saya paham bagaimana rasanya jadi korban bullying karena saya pernah mengalami hal tersebut semasa kuliah. Saya pernah dicap/dilabeli dengan kata yang seolah-olah saya ini punya penyakit psikologis yang tidak tertolong lagi, padahal saya hanya ingin berteman. Saya juga pernah disidang, saya duduk di tengah-tengah dan mereka duduk mengelilingi saya seperti seolah-olah saya ini pelaku kriminal yang telah menyakiti temannya dan saya harus memohon maaf dari mereka. Dari dua kejadian tersebut membuat saya jadi tidak tidak percaya diri, lalu saya malas untuk ngampus dan merasa tidak bebas ‘bergerak’ karena khawatir dilabeli ‘bertingkah’ oleh mereka. Saya sedih terus-terusan dan merasa orang-orang di sekitar saya tidak nyaman/merasa terganggu akan keberadaan saya.

Mereka tidak tahu bagaimana heran dan sedihnya Ibu saya saat itu karena perilaku saya berubah menjadi semenyedihkan itu. Saya tidak bermaksud untuk mengungkit kembali kejadian yang pernah saya alami dan telah berlalu, saya memaafkan mereka, tapi sayangnya memaafkan tidak bisa melupakan apa yang telah terjadi.


Karena sama sekali tidak berguna dan mungkin saja suatu hari kalian membutuhkan pertolongan orang yang pernah kalian bully atau tidak menutup kemungkinan kalian akan mengalami hal yang serupa dikemudian hari. Saya percaya bahwa roda kehidupan selalu berputar, tidak selamanya kita ‘di atas’. What you give, you get, so as a human being always be kind and treat people equal. 🙂